Time, Pregnancy, Birthdays and Loss

Well, I’ve been positively pants at this blogging stuff recently haven’t I?

Truth is, time just seems to run away at the moment. It’s one thing after another and I can’t seem to get my mind organised, this year is going so fast it feels like only yesterday I was 16 weeks pregnant. I felt it was about time I wrote at least something out of that comes this, a blog post that will no doubt be all over the place but you might get a clearer understanding as to why I’ve been so rubbish. I promise I have some posts coming soon, including reviews of last months glossy box, daily make up routine, gestational diabetes post and MORE.

First off; birthdays. My goodness we have a lot of birthdays in September and October including Ciaran’s and I’ve tried to make his birthday plans a big secret. (His birthday isn’t until the 4th so I can’t actually say anything about his birthday on the odd chance that he may read this, however unlikely that is) It’s caused me so much anxiety to plan these surprises because everytime my phone goes I jump on it like Bryn from G&S organising Gwen’s surprise party. Not only that, I now have to buy presents from Oscar too? He isn’t much help, I did have a lot of fun in the store holding two present ideas in front of him and saying ‘which one do you want to get for daddy’ and waiting a good 15 minutes for him to slightly raise one hand or arm though. All my younger cousins have had birthdays and we’ve been shopping for their presents and spending time with family at tea parties and such lark. It’s been lovely but I didn’t quite realise how much I struggled thinking of presents for people until now. I need to start making lists of present ideas for Christmas before Christmas Eve hits me and I realise, for the third year in a row, I’ve forgotten about 20 family members. Curses of having a HUGE family.

I’ve also sadly lost a very close person to me. It was a passing we have been ‘expecting’ for a while now but something I’ve come to realise is no matter how much you know something is going to happen absolutely nothing can prepare you for the day it actually happens. I forget sometimes to allow myself to feel certain emotions. I feel I want to be strong all the time, I want to put on a brave face, I deny myself the right to be sad about things I have every right to be sad about. Does anybody else do this? Live under the illusion you must be strong all the time? Enough of that, I’m welling up and there’s no way to write a blog through teary eyes.

Oscar, the little pickle started sleeping from 10pm-6am then suddenly sleep apnea reared it’s ugly head and now he’s almost scared to go to sleep. He lies in his crib staring up at me with his beautiful blue eyes with the saddest face and I imagine he’s saying ‘please don’t leave me mummy, I can’t breathe when I go to sleep’. There I go again, with the tears. I hate seeing my little boy so upset, it’s absolutely not like him, he has never been one to cry or make a fuss.  He makes a really sad face, the bottom, lip comes out and everything. So, Mama has not been getting any sleep so the days are spent with Baba and Mama in bed intermittently napping, working and watching Netflix.

Work is another thing that’s taken up a lot of my time, We’ve been signing lots of new authors and it’s all very exciting but reading emails and reading everything on a phone or computer really does drain you and gives me a headache!

So, I’m very sorry there’s been no content I promise to make more of an effort with this blog because I really do love blogging and I love all the emails I receive and I have a giveaway coming up. Really what I need to do is pull my finger out and get on with it, don’t I?

That I shall do, Ciaran has a day off tomorrow so he can spend some time with Oscar and I’ll try and tackle my way through my ever growing to do list.

I hope you’re all very well, speak soon.



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