Anxiety & Me 

Do any other bloggers/anyone have those days where all your emotions feel like they need to be written down? This is one of those days for me.

On Sunday I woke up feeling really anxious, I went off to work and got on with it, it wasn’t too bad, I kept busy and the feelings of anxiety seemed to die down.

But now, it’s Tuesday. I woke up about 4am with a really tight chest, I felt sick and dizzy and I just knew that today was going to be horrendous.

I was right. Luckily, I fell back to sleep quite quickly at 4am but then woke up around 7 feeling the same way, except now, I couldn’t just go back to sleep because I had a toddler to look after. I had big plans for this day as I was off work I thought Oscar and I could go out and make the most of the day, maybe even go to soft play. I knew already my mind wasn’t going to let me do that which only made me feel worse because now not only would I feel awful all day it also meant my poor toddler would miss out on his fun day and have to stay in the house all day because of me!!

I. Hate. That.

Let me explain a little bit about how I was feeling today. So, in the last few days I’ve been stressed, Oscar is starting nursery which is great but terrifying, I’ve had a lot of pain, I’ve had some changes happen at work, I’m going back to university, I’m worried about certain family things and for whatever reason my brain chose today to build all that up and just sort of… brain shit it all out. I have a constant dull headache, I feel sick, I have had shaking hands all day, sweaty palms, my resting heart rate is 127 BPM, I feel dizzy, my chest is tight and about once every hour I get that feeling like I’m going to pass out where I see black spots and I can hear my heart really pumping in my ears and every now and then I get pins and needles down my left arm to the tip of my fingers.

If you’ve ever suffered from a panic attack or anxiety this will sound very familiar to you.

If you haven’t suffered from anxiety this will probably sound ridiculous.

I spoke to a friend this morning who does understand and she gave me some great advice that

It’s okay to have a you day

I was explaining to her that I feel like I have to constantly be on form- be constantly proving that I can do everything and that’s part of my problem because I don’t actually address how I’m feeling. I can quite easily say ‘I’m stressed’ or ‘I’m sad’ but I don’t take ME time to work out why I’m sad or stressed and do something to change it.

That’s definitely some advice I need to take myself and so does anyone else that has anxiety- take this quote from The Fault In Our Stars

I believe it’s the same for any emotion, not just physical pain. You have to feel the sadness, the anger, the happiness. Then and only then can you truly conquer it- I’ve learnt this because I’ve been brushing my own feelings under the carpet for too long and putting a mask of happy and thriving on I’ve forgotten that I’m the type of person that needs to be alone sometimes, I’m the type of person that needs to cry sometimes and I’m the type of person that gets anxious walking in to a shop alone.

All of this is OK. 

I actually feel a smidge better after that word vomit.


Nursery Days- Lunchbox Edition

Well, I finally did it! Oscar starting nursery was a HUGE thing for me, I registered him a year ago and I have only just changed our schedules around to assign him a day and a half a week at nursery.

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In the days leading up to him properly starting I had the worst anxiety, my mental health was all over the place and it’s not until now that I’ve put my finger on exactly what it was, it was anxiety over my first born, my baba, growing up. I still feel sick and can’t eat breakfast on the mornings I drop him at nursery and he’s been there 3 weeks now, partly because he doesn’t want me to leave in the morning, he cries and grips on to my neck/arm/leg but I do know that he likes his key worker and he is fine after 10 minutes and they update me on tapestry throughout the day. I probably wouldn’t survive the day without tapestry, it’s an app that the nursery can update through the day with pictures and videos and notes about what your child is doing and their EYFS milestones too. Then you can add your own things too so the nursery can see new things they are learning at home.

There are some things we’ve been doing and that we’re going to start to do to make the transition easier, for example, because of O’s allergies it’s much easier to pack his lunches for nursery, this way we know exactly what he’s eating at all times. The other thing is organisation for daily outfits etc which is a whole other post!

Here’s what a typical lunch looks like for him:

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I like to add fruit and veg that he can snack on when the other children have their snack time too, in this I like to include; apple slices, blueberries, carrot sticks, pineapple chunks and grapes.

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I like to get our fruit and veg from our friends Greengrocers, it’s a much nicer feeling to be giving our money to a family run business and also we know the fruit and veg is always super fresh! If you’re based near to the Bournemouth area I would DEFINITELY recommend giving Watsons Greengrocers a visit:

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Fruit is such an easy and quick snack, especially these oranges we were kindly sent- they are easy peelers so perfect for this stage in Oscars life where we are trying to teach him to peel bananas and oranges. These Chilean Easy Peelers are about 87% water which means in the summer they’re a fun way to keep hydrated and now when we’re in autumn and Oscar has a cold and there’s only so many cups of water and juice he will drink these oranges help soothe his little throat and, again, keep him hydrated- they’re a year round hydrant! Also, low in calories, fat and a good provider of vitamins and minerals so I’m happy munching away on them too!

There we have it, a nice lunchbox for Oscar and a bit of anxiety for Mummy (which I’m confident will subside over time)

What did you do to make drop offs easier? What do you add in your childs lunch boxes? I need ideas!

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This post is an entry for BritMums #ChileanEasyPeelers Challenge, sponsored by Chilean Citrus Committee