Dear Oscar, we’ve been let down

Dear Oscar,

When you were in my tummy Mummy’s pain was so bad I was prescribed pain killers that are usually not given to pregnant women. This was not pain caused by you but just Mummy’s body and pain I had been controlling using a LOT of pain killers and physical treatments that I stopped when I fell pregnant with you. When the doctor said it’s not safe to stop it all and I needed to take something, I was distraught. I felt like it would harm you, I felt like I was failing you already. Then came the day they said I could get rid of the pain that was causing me to have a continuous stay in hospital, with surgery, but there would be a risk to you. So I said no. I continued to power through the pain until you arrived.

When you were there inside of me some decisions I could make to put you first, you were in my little kangaroo pouch and it was all on me to keep you safe.

Fast forward nearly 3 years and now your safety is not only in my hands but; Daddy, Nana’s, Auntie’s… and school.

At the moment, March 2018, Mummy is having a really difficult time trying to work out what the best thing for you is.

Unfortunately, you’re about to have a big change, you’re about to start at a new play-school with all new people and a whole new setting and it’s going to be tough.

Mummy trusted some people with you and they let us down. I just wanted you to know that finding those people took me a year. It was a year of searching and meetings and risk assessments before I felt we had found the right place for you. But they let me down.

Now I don’t want you to be with anyone but me, I want you back in the kangaroo pouch where you’re safe. I wish we could go to our mini play city every day and eat popcorn watching films everyday because then I KNOW you are safe.

But on the other hand mummy wants you to grow up to be independent, to see both Mummy and Daddy working and I want you to be there when Mummy (hopefully) graduates from Law School so that I can set a good example for you.

This is just a really tough time and I want you to know I don’t take any of this lightly, I see how this effects you, I know you need routine and this has really thrown you off. But you are handling it all like a champ. I am so unbelievably proud of you my brave boy, you make me laugh every day and you are my best friend. Side note: that new high pitched scream you’ve started? If you could just nip that in the bud I’d be so grateful, it’s really quite annoying.

I love you so much, let’s just keep trying our best shall we?

Mama ❤️

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