I Lost Myself…

My son is my best friend.

Without a doubt. He makes me smile on my sad days, he helps me with my make up, he chooses between 2 nail colours for me and he eats doritos and guacamole in bed with me whilst watching Netflix.

However, he has just turned 2 and I had an epiphany that I lost myself.

Somewhere between the midnight bottles, the birthday parties and the little red book appointments I forgot what it was I wanted in life, except being a mother.

I find myself striving for nothing other than being like the mothers I see on social media, or having a bigger house or more children. I don’t factor in how I might get to that stage I just assume as I am a mother already I must continue along this one path and just succome to the preconceived idea that now I “must be due another”

A few weeks back I sat down with a friend after I was offered a work opportunity that would require more time away from home and I explained all the reasons I wanted it and all the reasons I didn’t.

One of my reasons FOR the change was that, as previously mentioned, I felt I had lost myself. I used to be so driven by success and recognition. I would thrive off of praise within the workplace but somewhere along the road it became less important what others thought of me. Which is of course a good thing except when it was such a core part of my drive ‘pre baby’. I wanted to work really hard and really prove to myself and others that I was worthy.

However, my friend reminded me that whilst being a mum isn’t my whole life, Oscar will only be learning these new things for a short amount of time, career progression will be waiting, Oscar learning to put his wellies on himself (a small victory I still find amazing and hilarious as he doesn’t quite put them on correctly so walks much like me in heels after one too many) won’t be waiting. I will come home one day and he will be chatting away and I’ll wonder when he started doing all those things.

I am now wondering how many women this happens to, or even men. How many other parents get lost in parenthood and forget about all the things they wanted in life, do they look back and regret not working more, do they look back and maintain that concentrating more on being a family was more important? What IS the perfect family life/work balance?

I always struggle with whether to work or not, I feel like I have adequate time with both my work and Oscar at the moment but I do have days when I think I’d love to just spend everyday with him and equally I get days when I think I want to completely throw myself in to work.

I’m trying to devise a plan to get myself back, I’m working hard to make a career plan and actually put in to practice those ‘5 year plans’ people speak of.

Family wise AND career wise, I think it’s a good idea to have some clear steps mapped out and give myself deadlines because I have goals I want to reach, I’m still the kind of person that needs constant progression.


Do any of you have a 5 year plan or something similar? How is it going?

Give a gal some tips

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Our Cottage

We’ve been super busy over the last few months, we finally moved in to our cottage!

I’m going to start doing some more blog posts on our home etc but I thought I’d start by uploading a few of the pictures that are on my new instagram for the house- @cottage63_


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Letter To My Baby- 16 Months

Hello gorgeous boy,


Well, you’re 16 months old. Again I’ll say it- where has the time gone?

In my last letter to you, you didn’t have any teeth but teething was in full swing- this time you have 4 big teeth on the bottom in the middle which is adorable and then 4 on the top in the middle too.. You’re napping a lot when we’re home at the moment so you’re definitely having a growth spurt and teething is still in full swing. The only thing is you don’t really nap when we’re out now- so when we’re out for the day and you’re in your pushchair you won’t give in and nap when you normally would because you’re too interested in what’s going on around you! Which is fine but then you get all grumpy when you’re overtired. Mummy tries to explain that if you just go to sleep you won’t be tired anymore but of course you don’t understand me.

I think your favourite food is probably- EVERYTHING. Mostly, things other people are eating, but with your allergies you’re rarely allowed to eat that but we’ve managed to find quite a few things you can eat now and you love them so that’s good, these include: Pom Bears, Bananas, Grapes, Special Baby Wafers that Nannie discovered and banana puff corn.

You’re walking now, you started walking properly when you were 14 months old. Now you walk and run and jump everywhere! You’re finally at that stage where, when you fall on your butt you don’t just crawl off you get back up and walk.

You love football which I’m sure Daddy is thrilled about- you watch the football together and play football when we go out or on the balcony. You’re very good in goal so definitely following in Daddy’s footsteps!

You say ‘mama’ ‘dada’ ‘more’ ‘who’s that?’ and ‘what’s that’ the most at the moment and the bath is still your favourite place to be.


You also like to pretend to be a doggy, you stick your tongue out and make panting noises!

You like to organise things a lot, I have a big bowl of dried apples, oranges and cinnamon sticks on the coffee table and you take all the cinnamon sticks out and put them in the candle jar. You’re good at matching shoes too, you take a pair of daddy’s football boots into your bedroom and hide them under the bed a lot and bring a pair of your shoes to me when I get your coat to go out.

I was looking back at pictures of you when you were little and when you were in Mummy’s tummy and I can’t believe how grown up you are now!!


You’re still allergic to milk but we’ve just started the Milk Ladder which means we’re slowly introducing milk into your diet to see how you cope, we’re only on step 2 so far but so far so good!

Next thing is getting rid of those pesky allergies so you can have real life chocolate, in the mean time you’ve got a moo free advent calendar!

Mummy loves you lots!


Bepanthen Bedtime Challenge

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Bepanthen and Britmums kindly send us a 30g tube of Bepanthen to test out and review and we’ve been sampling it for 2 weeks now (this tube anyway because we were actually using it before) So what I thought I’d do is tell you all a bit about how we use Bepanthen and how we got on with it!

Firstly, as most of you know Oscar has an allergy to milk now sometimes he will pick something up that has milk in or we will accidentally give him something with milk traces in and he will get a poorly tummy, this means that his nappy is full of runny poo (TMI sorry) and he becomes sore really quickly, lumps, bumps and redness go all over his bum cheeks and even down his legs. I would always use other well known baby bottom creams and even a steroid cream from the doctors and none of them seemed to work, they either sat on the skin and created a barrier but didn’t help with the actual soreness or they healed the soreness but didn’t feel moisturising enough to stop the pain.

Like when we have a cut or graze and you have to use anti-septic creams and it stings it’s horrible to do it to yourself let alone our little baby!

Then my Nan suggested Bepanthen and I’ll be totally honest my first reaction was ‘Ummm I used that for my tattoos….’ I didn’t think it would be any different to any other creams out there that we had tried, boy was I wrong!

This ointment is perfect for baby delicate skin, baby’s actually already have a natural protection in their skin and this just enhances that, it has no antiseptics and no fragrances  and it’s a dream to apply, it goes on so smooth and you can feel it creating that barrier of protection but you can visually see it sinking in to the skin.

Oscar had a really sore bum last week not through poop but he drinks so much in the day he wees a lot too so there’s a lot of wiping and nappy changes and he sleeps from 6:30pm-at least 8am so he sits in wee for about 14 hours every night which isn’t good so it’s been nice to add Bepanthen to his night time routine to heal the existing rash and prevent anymore!

Click the below picture to purchase- it’s on offer at the moment!


Oscar’s Nightime Routine:

  • Eat all his dinner
  • In to the bubble bath with his toys
  • Hair and body wash
  • Wrapped in a towel
  • Bepanthen on the butt cheeks
  • Nappy and PJ’s on
  • Blanket cuddles on the sofa until bedtime

Do you use Bepanthen in your bedtime routine or any other ointments that work well?

Let me know!


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This post is an entry for #Bepanthen Bedtime Challenge, sponsored by Bepanthen. Learn more at https://www.facebook.com/Bepanthen or www.bepanthen.co.uk

Things You’ve Thought If You Have Periods

Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to unsubscribe from my monthly subscription effective immediately,

Kind Regards,


  1. Why does it feel like there are tiny demons jumping up and down on my uterus?giphy-13
  2. Don’t sneeze don’t sneeze don’t sne… Ew.
  3. Why is it sooooo hot?
  5. Lemme just look back at this chair I’ve been sitting on… yup, all good.
  6. “Check me”
  7. Not sure if I want chocolate or doughnuts, or what about a glazed doughnut cut in half with a slab of dairy milk whole nut in the middle, like a doughchoc sandwich.
  8. These spots are so painfulgiphy-14.gif
  9. Why did I eat all that chocolate?  That will definitely make my spots worse!
  10. Ummmm ok I can’t do my jeans up- HELLO BLOATINGgiphy-12.gif
  11. Been laying down here a while, I know what will happen when I stand up… I’ve got to get up… Here goes… Ew.
  12. Been in bed all night with white sheets… woken up on the Japanese flag. 
  14. Why is my boyfriend so annoying? I wish HE could have this pain then he would understand giphy-11.gif
  15. I’ve just googled period pains and it’s genuinely my body having mini contractions… PASS ME THE GAS AND AIR PLEASE!Screen Shot 2016-09-12 at 12.05.35.png




I would like to point out that my boyfriend is infact fantastic with period support and goes to the shop at 10pm to get me chocolate and pineapple and rubs my belly and makes me hot water bottles at 7:30am soooo I can’t really complain but he does still annoy me like… stop trying to touch me…

Have you ever thought any of these things? What else goes through your mind during ‘that time’ of the month?

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I’m Just Doing It



RIGHT! It’s time people, Oscar is 13 months old and I still haven’t pulled my finger out to get my body back to the way it was. I get the urge to do something about it and then I lose it just as quickly and it’s starting to frustrate me. SO, I’m taking some steps and I’m starting a journey. What terrifies me the most is I am going to be so open and honest about it with you guys- pictures included. Of my flabby stretch marked and scarred belly where I carried a baby. I have to say that end bit to remind myself that the reason my belly looks the way it does is because I carried a baby. I see on Instagram all these women who give birth and BAM their bellies go back flat and tone and tanned and not a stretch mark insight (Kim and Kourtney I’m lookin’ at you!) but I have to get to the point where I know in myself that I’m not weird for not being like that and I have finally reached that stage!

So, an update on where I am at the moment: When I first got pregnant I lost a few stone through sickness, then throughout my pregnancy I put the weight back on and more then it evened out- so I weighed around 10 stone before pregnancy then when I gave birth I weighed 12 stone. Fast forward a year and I weigh 12 stone 13lbs. I feel horrendous because none of my clothes fit properly and people are actually asking ‘when is the baby due’ Now, at the end of my pregnancy massive amounts of deep stretch marks appeared and I looked like this-


These all appeared within 2 weeks so it was very quick and very painful and it now means that as my tummy has shrunk quickly the stretch marks are really deep scars now and i’ll never get rid of them- it’s not my biggest worry though as they’re not painful anymore they’re just not nice to look at.

I started my actual weight loss 1 month ago at 12 st 13lbs I immediately cut out fizzy drinks and bought a fitbit- drank more water and stopped eating chocolate. Nothing happened. I got disheartened and starting drinking fizzy again and eating whatever I wanted. I realised I need to do what works for me and not what immediately springs to mind when you think ‘weight loss’.

I’ve now lost 13 lbs and weigh 11st 12lbs my goal weight is 9 stone.


Work out your BMI! I use the NHS calculator- here

When I first did it the calculator showed me as overweight and actually quite close to obese!

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1 month down-

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I am still classed as overweight but much closer to a healthy weight for my age and height.


So, I don’t know about you but I needed a bit of retail therapy before I could even consider doing any exercise so I bought a couple of new pairs of trainers and some work out clothes from Nike and it has made me feel so much better about it because I will be so much more comfortable running, riding or dancing around in well fitting clothes and trainers. I have got Nike Roshe customised with a speckled sole and Nike Relentless 2.

As well as clothes and trainers I also got myself a Fitbit to help with the training but also because I was so intrigued to see how long I sleep for. The fitbit lives on my non-dominant arm and connects to an app on my iPhone to show me how many steps I do, and how well I sleep- you can set goals for yourself for input as much or as little data as you want such as; What you’ve eaten, how much water you’ve drunk, How much you weigh etc., this brings me onto step 3…


Set goals! I have a goal weight of 9 stone and another goal is to have some sort of tone to my tummy I have an actual lip of fat at the moment so it hangs out and over…. High waisted trousers are the way forward! I basically want to be able to wear a body con dress and not feel really self conscious about my gut, which by the way looked like this at the start of my journey-

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and 1 month down looks like this-

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I can definitely feel differences.

Well, there it is- my first 3 steps to the weight loss journey.

Have any of you mummies lost your post baby weight? If so- HOW? I need all the help I can get. I’m in the middle of creating a work out that’s nice and easy and can be done at home as a starting point because my fitness level is very low! I’ll share it with you once it’s finalised!

I’m very nervous to press publish on this. giphy-9.gif

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10 Signs I’m Getting Old

Okay so I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s made me stop and think about all the things that happen in my life that show me I am actually a fully fledged adult now and I’m getting old…

  1. I find myself saying things like: ‘How has her mother allowed her to leave the house dressed like that’ and ‘Put some clothes on woman!’
  2. I get excited for things such as: Fresh Fairy Liquid, new washing-up sponge, funky new tea towels.giphy-4.gif
  3. I have a separate file for bills and appointment letters and I get excited to buy the files, plastic wallets, coloured pens and coloured page tabs!
  4. I’d much rather spend and evening having a bubble bath, watching netflix, wearing my slippers drinking a cup of tea than getting all dolled up and going out to dance like a sardine on a sweaty dance floor. (Even my description of a night out makes me sound old)giphy-7.gif
  5. I make noises when I stand up… AND when I sit down!
  6. I say things my mum says such as; ‘I haven’t sat down all day’ when really, I did, to watch 2 episodes of Eastenders on Catch Up ‘Do you live in a barn?’ ‘Are we lighting Fawley Power Station?’ (Big up the New Forest Kids)
  7. I need naps now… Morning, Mid Morning and afternoon too.giphy-2
  8. I have more pyjamas and lounge wear than going out clothes, I actually don’t think any of my dresses fit!
  9. I sit in my home and moan to my partner about the ‘kids’ having a loud party next door at half 10 at night when those neighbours are actually about my age.giphy-8.gif
  10. And finally- I read this one somewhere recently but now when my friends announce their pregnant it’s cause for celebration not ‘OH SHIT DUDE!!!’


Do you agree with any of these? What has made you realise you’re getting old??


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